I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
