well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
