shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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