Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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