smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
