I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
40s are totally the cure
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
