I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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