new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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