Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
