Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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