I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
