My cat gives me a boner
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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