so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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