some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
