She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
