I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
