i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
