So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
