I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I think I won the penis lottery.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
ugly people sure do ruin things
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
