Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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