you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
