I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
