Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
