We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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