Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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