and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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