I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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