oh god the rape fog is back!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
