This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
