I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
