just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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