I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
