also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
