i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
