So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
