Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
