And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
