I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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