hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
