Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
