She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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