Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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