i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
