Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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