fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
