my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i wish my penis had a tongue
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
