Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
