hotel room ftw
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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