he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
