She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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